In the words of Ziggy Marley...

I'm on a beach in Hawaii and I feel I have committed writers sin:

I forgot to pack my journal.

I've got sketchbooks, novels, tibetan literature... and no lined pages to fill.

So I figured I will use my blog as a journal for the time being.

I'm on the island of Maui for the first time in my life.
In a small beach town called Paia.
I swear this town is run by 20 something year olds.
My parents love it.

I'm with my immediate family in a little beach house on the ocean.
I'm sitting outside on a big patio that has a 60 inch tv on the wall.
Tropical plants are crowding us in, birds are flying around me.
And this morning a tiny lizard crawled out the sink drain.

My skin is flushed and my pores are clear.
My hair gets this wave to it in tropical regions.
As a very white redhead, sometimes I think I am meant to live in a tropical place.
It feels better to my body.

I'm struggling with some concepts I learned in my Women's studies classes.
Some feminists believe that those of us who travel to hawaii
are hypothetically "raping" the hula girl.
The white man corrupted the land to only live off of tourism.
So they depend on us completely for their well being.

The white man visits with his family,
pays insane rates for hotels and visits traditional luaus.
And while he may think that he is helping the islands with his dollar,
he is further destructing the ancient cultures of the land.

I have a lot of friends from Hawaii.
I've had a lot of conversations on this topic with locals.
While I get the idea of the hula girl being deculturized,
I simply don't think I agree with the entire philosophy.
(and have yet to find a native who agrees as well).
But I've only been here three days: I'm in no position to give my own educated thought.

I'm enjoying the peacefulness of this space.
I had terrible nightmares all night and woke up sweating and nervous.
I stepped outside and could hear the waves, singing birds, warm air.
Anxiety fades away very quickly in this climate.

I think its time for a morning jacuzzi,
singing off.

Jane.

Another trip around the sun...

Our great Earth is in constant motion.
Spinning on its own axis
Revolving around a hot, fiery sun.

As humans we gather to celebrate
each revolution, 365 days long.
Parties, lights, explosives.

I'm a sucker for a fresh start.
I start over every full moon
checking in on new moons.

But every revolution
holds so much potential
for serious self rejuvenation.

This year I chose to get radical.
After the excitement of the stroke of midnight wore off,
I deleted all of the social media apps on my phone.
Vowed to avoid them on my computer.
To cherish my soul and experience a detox.
A purge of vanity, selfies and desire.

I hope that it can relieve a stagnant distress living inside of me.
Because with this purification, I will be letting go of attachment.
I will release all expectations of myself and others.
Dispelling how I want people to be, and letting them simply be.
In return I can release my own personal strictness of self,
and allow my soul and spirit to just be.

Well, for the past five days I've been working at it.
Reading more news and editorial literature.
Writing in my journal more and checking off my todos.
Learning more about my crystals and oracle decks.
Meditating more, playing music, painting.

But I still haven't shaken that nasty habit
of curling up with my phone
like its a good book or a cute puppy
and staring into the screen in hopes of being entertained.